The funeral was yesterday and I was so blessed by all the people that came to say good-bye to my dad. He would have been so proud of my mom and her strength. She honored my dad and his life. It was just beautiful. My dad was so loved!
In a few hours I will pick my girls up from their last day of school. For those of you that know me well, it has been no secret that I have thoroughly enjoyed this last year. My girls were all in school ALL DAY! Oh, what freedom! Sweet, sweet freedom! So, this afternoon is bittersweet. I know these last 2 hours before picking up my girls are the last free moments for a long, long while. I decided to sit down with the my bible and journal and give my last quiet moments to God.
My husband is still in Bogota. Handling all sorts of situations that comes with a two year old. I think you know what I mean..... Anyway, he's lonely and feeling a bit isolated. There have been some challenging moments at 4 am, 8 am, 8:30 am, 12 pm, 2:30 pm.... you get the picture. He called me this morning to vent.
With all that's been happening in our lives my mind really wants to go to some bad places. "Stinking Thinking" some call it. I want to feel sorry for myself. Why did this happen? Why NOW God?!
Why the accident Lord? Can I handle a two-year old that's testing all the boundaries and authority? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? My friend told me this morning, "This is my expertise...don't go there, it's a trap." I'm normally a glass half-full person so this is uncharted territory for me. I asked the Lord, "What would bring You the most glory? In all this pain, uncertainty, joy, stress...what would bring You the most glory?"
Here's what I read:
2 Corinthians 7:10
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
Alrighty then! This is so true! What does feeling sorry for myself do? Makes me feel WORSE!
But, you know what makes me feel better? Lord, I'm so sorry I don't have more compassion. I'm so sorry I don't have more forgiveness. I'm so sorry I haven't loved others like You love me. CHANGE ME! Change my heart to be more like Yours. I need You, Lord. Thank you for giving me a beautiful family and a wonderful dad that was so loving. Help me to love my little boy like you loved me when I was kicking and screaming. There's hope in that. Peace in that. I don't think feeling sorry for myself brings God any glory but I do know that when I ask him to make me more like Him, that does bring Him glory.
Kree praying for you guys and you and Troy have had this on your hearts from God for a long time to bring this little boy home. He knows there are adjustment periods with adoption and I know he will give you and Troy the strength and the knowledge and support through this. You are in our prayers and am praying for you daily. And someday your dad will meet your new son in heaven and I also believe your dad is looking down at you and Troy now smiling for all you two have together and are doing for the Lord who your dad also loved. Keep the faith
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Kree (and precious family), Just wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you all in this wonderful journey to making your family whole. This detour with your father's death was heartbreaking. But I am so comforted that our Abba Father is holding you and your mom and whole family in his hand.
ReplyDeleteKree, your words are so inspired and your perspective is such a blessing to you and those who know you. I am so sorry for your loss. Even though your dad is safely Home, I can only imagine how much he will be missed by you and so many others. I trust that God will be holding you especially close during this time (Psalm 34:18) and pray that you will be filled with the peace His presence brings today and in the days to come. (((HUGS)))
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